What LOVE is to me...

When I was younger my parents did such a beautiful job of showing us love on Valentines day. Funny cards, stuffed animals, a fun candle-lit dinner for ALL of us, candy, balloons, the works! They also taught us that we love because God first loved us.

As I got older, "love" became dramatic, messy and honestly...not true love AT ALL. I had some very unhealthy relationships, against my parents' advice and their example, at a very young age and allowed myself to believe so many lies about myself, leading to the ultimate disappointment....DIVORCE. I've never openly discussed this with many people, because not just one person was at fault and as far as I'm concerned forgiveness has occurred on both sides. All this being said, I have often felt prompted by God to at some point in my adult life, lead a teenage girls bible study or Sunday school class to foster God's love, self love and healthy relationships. Maybe in my future...

After things were hard and quite frankly...ROCK BOTTOM for me...God showed me His love in a way I had never experienced. I still have so much to learn still and such a LONG way to go in my Christian walk, but I feel that I needed that "detox" time to learn to trust and to love again. My parents played a big part in that, by being patient with me, loving me, listening to me and encouraging in my journey.

Anna Claire also gave me a focus that I needed. She was someone I continued to put before myself and loving with my entire heart. I wanted her to see that her Mom loves Jesus first and everything else second. I had honestly decided (after even trying e.harmony) that I wasn't going to date. My Mom even said to me "How do you expect to meet someone upstairs in your pajama pants?!?" HA! But God had a bigger plan for me....

I decided to start teaching in another district to give myself a fresh start after my divorce. I got a new job and had a great outlook. My friend Joanne had been a great support to me in the beginning. She was so helpful and listened to me as I was making such a big transition. Two years went by and I knew a lot about her family, including her brother that had also been through a divorce. It left him broken and also feeling like he would never date or love again as well. One event led to another, but over time I was able to meet all of Brad's sisters. I taught with Joanne, then his older sister Joely came to be a long term substitute in our school, and the youngest one, Andi, dabbles in photography and I had her take Anna Claire's three year old pictures. After she took the pictures, she had them at a family dinner showing Joanne, and Brad saw them and asked about me. He then, over a couple of months asked Joanne for my phone number. She finally asked me if she could give him my number and I VERY reluctantly said, "okay."

I don't really believe in love at first sight, but I do believe in God's amazing plan for my life. I had a lot of reservations about dating again, but I have never felt so at ease in my entire life. We sat and talked for FIVE HOURS straight at La Hacienda Ranch. I got in my car and seriously cried because even if this lead to no where, God was showing me he definitely held me in His hands and had great things planned for my life. I even went home and told my Mom, "I don't know why I am feeling like this, but that was just too good to be true." That was August 2, 2008 and on November 21, 2009 we said "I do" in a ceremony surrounded by the people that love us most and have supported us both through our "not so great" times. On November 23, 2010 we found out that on or before August 2, 2011 (three years after our first date!) that we will be welcoming our sweet baby into our lives. Coincidences? I think NOT! I seriously feel like God has richly blessed me beyond measure. Is our marriage perfect, NO WAY! Do we argue sometimes, YOU BET! Is it hard having a blended family, with different schedules all of the time, DEFINITELY!But, it's SO worth it and the good far outweighs the bad and I do know now that not one marriage is perfect and that we are in this TOGETHER and have learned more than we care to admit from our past relationships.

This Valentines Day my heart is full...

I feel more content than I have in a LONG, LONG time...

Because of ALL my loves....

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!